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| I can't resist making snow angels |
The stores are packed full of red, green and chocolate, the schools are buzzing about their upcoming holiday concerts and the kids are lining up at the malls to meet the big man himself. I love Christmas!
This will be my first Christmas post-breast cancer diagnosis. It will be my first Christmas EVER with short hair, and my first one-breasted Christmas. After surgery, I remember thinking, 'They are just going to let me leave here without a manual about how to live my life with just one breast?' but here I am, celebrating holidays single-breasted.
Every year during the holidays, I seem to re-evaluate my life, and prepare for a new year's resolution. Normally, I pick the generic 'lose weight', 'exercise more', 'volunteer more' kind of resolution but this year, my resolution is simple. For 2012 my resolution is 'I'm going to have a cancer-free year'. But seriously, as I begin to assess my life and attempt to better myself I am realizing that I’ve been so caught up in my physical health that my mental health hasn't exactly been a priority. Over the past 9 months, it has been so easy to worry and cry and ENVY the lives of my other 26 year old friends. It has been so easy for me to want to have ANY other life. Friends of mine were planning their weddings and having babies while I was sorting out my chemo schedule. I didn't know one person who had been diagnosed with breast cancer in their twenties. I couldn't find anyone to relate to, and even with all the incredible emotional support of my friends and family, I couldn't shake the feeling of isolation.
I was lucky enough to find two girls (whom I met online near the start of my treatment) who were young breast cancer survivors like me. Finally, I wasn't alone anymore. One of these girls told me about Rethink Breast Cancer and once I visited the site, not only was I not alone - I was one of thousands. I just kept thinking 'these are my people'. My first time on the site I read about Rethink's approach to breast cancer and how they believe that young women need their own movement, that a young woman's fight with breast cancer is no harder than an older woman's fight, it's just DIFFERENT. Yes, yes, yes! That's what I've been trying to say all along. I don't fit in at the existing support groups and the women on all of the breast cancer pamphlets are old enough to be my grandmother.
Every year during the holidays, I seem to re-evaluate my life, and prepare for a new year's resolution. Normally, I pick the generic 'lose weight', 'exercise more', 'volunteer more' kind of resolution but this year, my resolution is simple. For 2012 my resolution is 'I'm going to have a cancer-free year'. But seriously, as I begin to assess my life and attempt to better myself I am realizing that I’ve been so caught up in my physical health that my mental health hasn't exactly been a priority. Over the past 9 months, it has been so easy to worry and cry and ENVY the lives of my other 26 year old friends. It has been so easy for me to want to have ANY other life. Friends of mine were planning their weddings and having babies while I was sorting out my chemo schedule. I didn't know one person who had been diagnosed with breast cancer in their twenties. I couldn't find anyone to relate to, and even with all the incredible emotional support of my friends and family, I couldn't shake the feeling of isolation.
I was lucky enough to find two girls (whom I met online near the start of my treatment) who were young breast cancer survivors like me. Finally, I wasn't alone anymore. One of these girls told me about Rethink Breast Cancer and once I visited the site, not only was I not alone - I was one of thousands. I just kept thinking 'these are my people'. My first time on the site I read about Rethink's approach to breast cancer and how they believe that young women need their own movement, that a young woman's fight with breast cancer is no harder than an older woman's fight, it's just DIFFERENT. Yes, yes, yes! That's what I've been trying to say all along. I don't fit in at the existing support groups and the women on all of the breast cancer pamphlets are old enough to be my grandmother.
It's so easy to become your diagnosis and lose sight of yourself and thanks to Rethink, I feel like Katie again and not Ms.Stage2-Breast-Cancer. What perfect timing, too - just in time for the holidays. The holidays are a time to reflect on what we have and not on what we can buy. Christmas has always meant so much to me but this year it means more to me than ever before. This Christmas is going to be about family and friends and giving and joy and NOT cancer, like the majority of 2011 has been. Isn't it amazing how it takes something as awful as cancer to make you realize how lucky you are?
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| So beautiful. I love winter! |
When I was a kid, Santa always managed to leave some of his Christmas spirit in our house and the stockings and tree and gifts seemed to glow on Christmas morning. As I got older, the holidays naturally became less about receiving and more about giving and the meaning of Christmas changed. Being the first Christmas since my diagnosis, it has changed yet again. This year it has come full circle and has become about receiving again; receiving a second a chance, receiving the love and support of so many friends and family members and receiving the opportunity to help others who are being faced with a cancer diagnosis. This year, receiving is better than giving.
Here’s to the next 75 Christmases and to Rethink for making me feel like I have a place in the breast cancer world when I felt otherwise shut out - what a great early Christmas gift.
- Katie Evans
Ottawa, Canada
This holiday, consider making a donation to Rethink Breast Cancer so that young women like Katie can continue to receive our support. Visit www.rethinkbreastcancer.com
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