Baby Blues

Just got back from coffee with an old friend. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in her mid 30s and has just over 5 years recovery under her belt (she doesn’t like the word survivor). She is living in New York and is here on biz but it sounds like they might be moving back to Toronto. Anyway, I have not talked to her in forever so got quite the update. She is happily married and she and her hubby really want a family. Sounds like it’s been a two year journey of seeing how they can make that happen. Her fertility was wiped out from breast cancer treatment. She was single at the time of her diagnosis and didn’t have time or options to preserve fertility, freeze embryos (I know a few young patients who have done this). Because she’s had breast cancer, she’s automatically declined on many adoption forms. They are in the process of trying to adopt a baby from Vietnam and everything is looking good on that front. And, they are having a baby(ies) with the help of an egg donor and a surrogate mother! She had wanted her best friend to donate the eggs but in the end, it was decided that the whole process was much more likely to succeed with a much younger donor. I believe she said the egg donor is an university student in her early 20s and she is at the doctor today to confirm she’s a viable candidate. Approximately 20 of the young woman’s eggs will be harvested and subsequently fertilized by her husband’s sperm and then one will be immediately implanted into the surrogate. There’s a chance the egg could split, which would mean twins. So, if that happens and the adoption in process works out, they could have 3 little ones by next year!! I know they’d be thrilled but that’s a handful. The whole conversation was very interesting and it’s shocking how many steps and issues are involved not to mention all the emotion and drama. They decided to go with an experienced surrogate – this will be her third time being a surrogate. She went for dinner last night with the surrogate mother and said she’s incredibly nice. This woman will even pump breast milk for the babies for up to five months. Pretty amazing. My friend will end up having to legally adopt the child since she is not providing the egg and won’t have a biological connection to the child. She’s not allowed to meet the egg donor but it’s neat that she’ll have a connection with the woman who carries their baby.

Once again, I was reminded how different and difficult it is to have breast cancer at a young age and how survival and living with cancer is a complicated journey for younger patients. If you have anything you would like to share on the experiences of younger women dealing with breast cancer, please pass them along. We welcome your stories and feedback.

Best, MJ

P.S. My friend also mentioned that two women she knows in Toronto were just diagnosed with breast cancer (both very early 40s) and that neither of them had heard of Rethink Breast Cancer and were not told about us by anyone at the hospitals. Argh! Lots of work for us to still do getting word out about our support programs for young patients!! We are working hard to infiltrate the hospitals in Canada. Maybe we need an “adopt a hospital” program to help get our brochures into the right hands. Any ideas anyone?

MJ DeCoteau, Executive Director of Rethink Breast Cancer