I am a certified child life specialist working with Rethink Breast Cancer to support young families that are coping with breast cancer. I am a facilitator of Rethink’s awesome Support Saturdays: An eight- week program designed for kids and parents to come together to learn, create and connect with other families coping with similar circumstances. Through Rethink, I also work with families in their homes to help support the whole family in understanding and coping with Mommy’s breast cancer. Child life interventions attempt to support and enhance the ability for children to cope when they are dealing with illness, trauma or loss. The focus is on supporting the child. How does Mommy’s cancer impact his or her young life? My biggest role is to be a cheerleader for kids! My thoughts on paper before beginning this blog post were simple:
Developmentally appropriate information
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Play-based learning experiences
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Kids that cope
I feel that children are better able to manage and cope with stressful events, illnesses and traumas when we, the adults, give them the facts and information they need to understand what’s happening in the world around them. When we keep information from kids, they still inherently know “something” is going on, even when they don’t appear to be aware. So, a parent’s feeling or need to “protect” her child from knowing she has breast cancer can actually cause stress for both the child and parent. Openness and honesty really works best with kids.
I often hear Moms say they feel they have made mistakes or said something “wrong” when answering their children’s questions about cancer, or they wish they had said something differently or better. These are the dreaded “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s” that we all need to let go!
Kids are amazingly resilient. They are built to cope. So, no matter what, we can give support and information to help them cope better at anytime during the cancer experience. It’s also important to know that moms’ need support, themselves, in coping with their cancer in order to better support their children’s coping.
Since not every Mom with breast cancer has easy access to a Child Life Specialist or Rethink’s Support Saturdays, the Rethink Breast Cancer staff encouraged me to write an easy to understand booklet about Talking to Your Child about Breast Cancer and tips and tools to help kids cope when Mommy has breast cancer. The coolest thing about the book is that it will be accessible to everyone on the Rethink website. It is in the final stages of development and my hope is that it will help parents and kids communicate and support each other during Mommy’s treatment and recovery.
While I believe that children are remarkably adaptive and resourceful, I also know that this is not the case for every child – some (many) need to be supported through experiences and “play” is often the best way to do this. Medical play, art and expressive activities help kids understand process and express their feelings about what is happening to them and Mommy. While I have a big bag of medical dolls and toys that I bring to home visits, even just drawing pictures with your child can do wonders. So embrace your inner child and start playing with your kids – you may find it helps you cope better too.
Morgan Livingstone
Child Life Specialist
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